Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
