Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
