Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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