And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
