Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
