We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
