apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My bed smells like the plague
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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