addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
