Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You have to summon your inner elephant
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
