i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
