We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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