Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
