Im at strip club and am horny
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
