I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
