If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
