Im at strip club and am horny
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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