someone get that fucking seahorse.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
handjob tips. give me some.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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