dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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