you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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