i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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