Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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