You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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