My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
