Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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