Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
