Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
