your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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