Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MIDGETS
????
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
