update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
