Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
