Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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