Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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