Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Randomize
