If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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