Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
