you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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