If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
