Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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