At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
