Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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