...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
