would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
