No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
3pm strippers are depressing
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
