I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
