Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
