He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
