I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
