Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
