the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
