She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
