I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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