Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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