Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
